a few days ago, i decided to take some time out my day to get out of the school bubble because the last few weeks have been a physical and emotional whirlwind. i wasnt sure where i wanted to go, i just wanted a change of scenery. with only my camera and a couple of quarters, i hopped on a bus and when i got off, i found myself in downtown LA near LACMA.
ive always really enjoyed being alone, but ever since ive come to school, ive had very few moments where i was actually completely by myself. i didnt realize how much i needed this time until i began walking around, with no particular destination in mind. it was strangely relaxing to not have to speak, to just observe the vibrancy around me but not partake in it.
i started from LACMA, then somehow wandered to the farmers market near 3rd and fairfax, passed through the la brea tar pits, and then ended up on wilshire near the berlin wall memorial. it was a good couple hours of wandering through the crowds and observing the passerby’s on the street. i was taken aback by the beauty i found in the most unexpected places, distracting me from my thoughts as well as helping me focus on them.
there’s been a lot of jumbled things inside my head. ive been feeling…somewhat uninspired and lost and uninterested. since school started, ive been keeping myself busy with work, classes, people, and extracurriculars, and yet, at the end of the day, i just feel empty. its affecting my schoolwork, my creativity, my relationships. my classes are challenging but not engaging. i struggle to make time to contact my parents, much less my friends back home. im constantly in an inner battle to find some sort of direction in my life, something to point me to a more concrete path. i kept questioning my actions, feeling like i was running out of time and options.
the strange thing was that this trip didnt get rid of the negative thoughts i was having, but rather, it helped put them into perspective and view them in a different light. this conversation with myself allowed me to recharge and reflect, which is what i guess i needed all along. not an answer to solve my problems, but just a better understanding of them. i feel more at peace, more focused somehow, which is more than i could have asked for.
*update: sorry i’ve been so MIA from this blog! i swear im still alive and well, hang in there while i craft upcoming posts ❤